sabotage

[snaffle]

someone mentioned sabotabe on an earlier post...

I could write a book on sabotage!!! I never had a weight problem until I got married... his parents were heavy.. very heavy.. neither one had a weight problem before they were married. To make a long story short.. they would diet and gain.. diet and gain.. sabotaging each others diets..
when we would go there for dinners. I learned to eat FAST.. if I didnt I would not have gotten a 2nd piece of pizza ... or whatever else they had. It was terrible!!

ok anyway... after several years of gaining .. I decided to do the atkins thing and lost the weight.. felt wonderful.. mother in law drove in to our place one day while I was building fence.. dirty!!! sweaty... and tired.. looked at me and said "BIll said you had lost weight YOU LOOK SICK!" wow.. she hadnt seen me in several weeks... and since she was a failure at diets... she could not even give me a compliment. And then the baking started. She started to send over cakes and cookies... every week it was something new... sometimes more than once a week. I would take the stuff to the chickens... for weeks.. and then I cracked under the pressure. She became nice to me again once I gained weight.

anytime someone in our area would have a tremendous weight loss my mil would announce over and over "so and so lost weight .. she looks sick!"

a few years ago.. I once again decided to get my weight under control.. first thing I did was tell DH and Cherokee that there would be no more friday night pizza's.. no more saturday night fried chicken... and no more baking until I had reached my goal. 2nd thing was to inform my mil that I was going to loose the weight.. and that I did NOT want to hear any of her snide remarks and I reminded her of what she had said to me years earlier. And I was not kind about it either.

So I dieted on the buddy system... my friend was great incentive. I lost the weight.. felt great... self esteem grew...
women who had successfully lost weight would compliment me.
women who were lifelong skinny and had gained 15 pounds or more during midlife and not lost it... would say "you have lost weight.. DONT loose anymore" they said it when I still had 5 more pounds to drop. One of my closest friends stopped in... when I was working on a barn project.. no make up.. coveralls... sweaty... she told me I looked sick. She is 80 to 100 pounds overweight.
How dare they!!! Why cant they compliment?

MEN... oh my... I got hugs from men who usually never spoke to me.. no man ever told me "Dont loose anymore"
Men always complimented with big smiles. Small men.. big men.. fat men... skinny men... Men always said nice things.

I wish I had a comeback to the unkind 'compliments'

[Marci]

Well you could say that your Doctor said its better for your blood pressure, heart, and your joints. And if they give you flack tell them you Dr told you to lose weight, and that they need to ask their Drs about thier weight..
OR You could kill them with kindness and say oh yes you lost all that nasty weight on such and such diet would they like more info on it? LOL

[Deleted]

I feel fortunate that I haven't ever had that happen to me, but I imagine as I lose the weight, it will probably happen at work. And I did have someone make a comment last week (with I could remember what it was), after I'd just lost 8 lbs that sort of stuck me as jealousy. Obviously it didn't bother me much since I can't remember what she said. LOL

[LoriB]

Yeah, that green envy bug is nasty.

Just ignore it, if you can.

And, this time, look her in the eye, and tell her:

The doctor says I am perfectly healthy, and I have to take his medical advice about my weight over what anyone else believes.

Thank you for your concern, but there is no need to worry.

[ride4fun]

I got a lot of comments about my chosen method for weight loss, "I tried that or my wife tried that and it was awful" --well #1 they were often thinking of a different plan than I was following and #2 people have different physiologies sp? I wasn't going around trying to convert people to my way of doing things and they really had no business trying to convert me to their way either; but my plan had some tips on dealing with comments and since I was FEELING GOOD and losing modest weight I usually just politely said "this is working for me".

[Mary Ann]

R4F, ya did good. I am constantly amazed at the nerve of people. If it's okay with your doctor and you're feeling fine, why do people feel it's necessary to interject these things? Ah well, maybe they're just trying to help.

There are so many ways to do this, and everyone's different. What works for a given person won't necessarily work for someone else. It's such a personal choice!

And Tee, I have a feeling that it'll get worse before it gets better. You'll be upsetting the equalibrium of the group.

[snaffle]

Tee... I often had the same feeling.. that their comments often came from jealousy...

hmmm... I often wanted to say.. very sweetly of course!
"ummm are you .. jealous?"

but I couldnt figure out how to say it so they were not offended...the way I was offended by what they said ;D