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Post by noblesseoblige on Feb 25, 2005 16:20:24 GMT -5
A couple of years ago we met this couple while horse camping. We kinda enjoyed the camping trips and trail rides we had together and after about a year camping we met a couple of times socially. They live about 35 miles from us in the wine growing area and we like going out there for a day to pick up wine. Last summer they wanted to take their kids (8 and 11) to the beach and we invited them for a Sunday. They said it would be better to come Saturday, spend the nigth at our place and then we would have all day Sunday to play. Well, our property is good size considering we live in the city, but our house is tiny. No problem, they said, we bring our (huge) motorhome. That they did and it was the weekend from hell. They just sat there and had us entertain them. Other then horses we have nothing in common and even horses, we do things different then they do (Iam not wanting to say bad things here). It is very hard to have a conversation with them, all they talk about is how she eats beans and breaks wind (of course they use the "fa" word for that) all night to annoy him (to which Superman said, "this is bad, but not as bad as talking about it in mixed company" - she did not get it). This is the intellectual limit of conversation, this and trash talking everybody they know. Meanwhile their kids run amok in our house. It is partially our fault, our house is certainly not child friendly. We have no TV in the living areas, only in the bedroom. And bedroom and my office remain locked. We have no toys so those kids behaved like uncaged monkeys. We were nice and gracious hosts for the weekend, but Superman said, "Never again". Well, we ran into them at the winery a couple of weeks ago and she asked me what we are doing the coming weekend ,. We had plans and she pressuerd me until March 12th, that was the first weekend without plans for us. She told (she did not ask, she just informed me)us that they are coming with their motor home, the 11th and she can't wait for me to make her my famous Martinis. I stood there, flabbergasted, could not really say anything. I can't tell them that we are not home, be cause it is not true. Meanwhile she has e-mailed me twice bringing the 12th up. Superman told me to tell him when they will be here and how long so he is sure to not show up. I have absolutly no idea how to handle this. I can't really them them, "no, you're dorks and we don't want to spend time with you". I used to have more tolerance with this sort of thing, but as I get older I find that I am less and less willing to put myself out for nothing.  |
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Post by ExLibris on Feb 25, 2005 16:55:25 GMT -5
I would send them a polite but firm email, stating that that will not work for you as you have prior obligations that weekend. Period. You are by no means required to explain why, or what you are up to...that's YOUR business, and no one else's. Your prior obligations are, of course, to maintain your own sanity by hanging out with Superman & throwing back a few of those martinis yourself.  THEY don't need to know that, however. You may even say that though you enjoy their charming company, you anticipate a very busy spring/summer, and don't know when your schedule will allow a weekend like that again. Or, you could have a ton of fun by inviting the inlaws to come house sit for that weekend, and take off for a nice b&b, gloating that THEY have to deal with them... ;D |
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Post by Chrisnstar on Feb 25, 2005 17:56:36 GMT -5
Oh my, you come to US for social advice, ROTFLMAO..... this bunch??? LOL...
Seriously, exlibris is right. just tell them something came up and you won't be available and you just don't know when you'll ever be available again....
If you're lucky, they'll get miffed and never want to hang out with you again!
chris
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Post by Mary Ann on Feb 25, 2005 18:04:59 GMT -5
I'll third Ex Libris's advice. You have the right to change your mind. Be breezy but firm, and wish her well. Also, tell her you hope she has a great summer, which ought to put her off until fall. Then don't answer her e-mails anymore.  My mother would be proud of you; she always considered it de classe to have the TV in areas of the house where one entertains guests. |
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Post by Vicki on Feb 25, 2005 20:32:39 GMT -5
I fourth ExLibris' advice. I feel that is a very tactful way to deal with the situation. I however have no tact when in comes to pushy people. If I were put in that situation I would also go camping or hiking or riding that weekend just in case they decided to show up anyways.
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Post by KarenN on Feb 25, 2005 20:35:35 GMT -5
hmmmm.... tell them you're meeting friends from Oklahoma in Old Town... oh, no that won't work for March, will it?
I'll go along with the others - it simply will not work for you to have then at your place.
I KNOW - Maybe your neighborhood just instituted new zonig rules that will not allow motorhomes to be parked in site of the road - it's true where my dad lives!
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Post by Newfygirl on Feb 25, 2005 21:52:37 GMT -5
Wow! Thats a tough one...I am one that never wants to hurt anyones feelings, so I am always saying yes to situations that I don't really want to. My hubby is helping me to get over this! So, I am trying to learn how to turn people down nicely. The problem comes when you turn them down TOO nicely, and they don't take a hint! I think I'd probaby email them and tell them you have plans...And then go somewhere so that you aren't actually lying! ;D If they do end up coming anyway...make those martinis double and make them quick!
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Post by Mary Ann on Feb 26, 2005 6:55:50 GMT -5
Newfygirl, you're being ambivalent. Thick people like this take advantage of ambivalence and bulldoze their way through. Nope, first the polite but firm e-mail ("I'm so sorry, but it just isn't going to work out for us that weekend; and with everything else going on, I don't know when to tell you. But I hope you have a great spring and summer, and perhaps we'll see you camping this year.") and then if they have the extreme nerve to show up at the door, answer it, stand in the doorway and Do Not Move, and say "I'm so sorry you wasted your trip; we have plans this weekend; it just won't work for us. Maybe another time." Then smile and tell them you have to keep your day going, and wave and shut the freakin' door. And lock it.
You don't have to go anywhere. You have the right to reserve time to spend together, alone. Life is busy, and we need these islands of solitude from time to time.
You have the right to spend your time as you see fit. As we get older and busier, it gets more and more precious. Why ever waste it on cretins?
And who cares if a thick cretin thinks you're nice or not? You're working on never seeing them again.
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Post by noblesseoblige on Feb 26, 2005 14:40:57 GMT -5
I have taken your words to heart and will e-mail them tonight. I liked Mary-Ann's wording so much that I copy and pasted it and will use it. It sound soo classy! I am really grateful to you all for your support, I had trepidations about asking. I figured some of you would tell me I should overcome my euro--snobbism and learn that peole are differnt. Of course those few of you that know me, know this is not an issue. Like newfygirl I really don't like to hurt people. But Mary_Ann is right, they are thick. Valerie (ouir DD) pointed out the last time they were here, that they never say thank you for anything. They are too prideful for that. This is only the first hurdle, they won't show up if I write them, getting this monster of a Motorhome ready is too much of a chore to taker a chance. But getting rid of them once and for all will take a lot more.  . Thanks again guys, I am off doing what I like best -playing with the horses, two days of sun before the next rainfront!!!! |
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Post by Chrisnstar on Feb 26, 2005 17:27:44 GMT -5
Oh , noblesse oblige... you are so NOT eurocentric, girlfriend! Having met you in person, I can tell what a good heart you have!
chris
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Post by Mary Ann on Feb 26, 2005 20:09:05 GMT -5
Well, you flatter me half to death! I'm touched. (No, Joye; not in the head. :  I don't see that as euro-snobbism at all; everyone is different, that's for sure. You have the right to be different, too. And thick cretins would probably have a better time with other thick cretins. I'm not surprised that they found you charming, and fun to spend time with. But alas, sometimes in life that only goes one direction. It's curious sometimes, how initial impressions don't tell the whole truth about someone, and once we get to know them better, we find some aspect of their personality or behavior so abhorrent that the initial impressions are overridden and blotted out. I knew a woman where we used to live that was a neighbor, and seemed at first to be so nice. In time however, I found that she was a screamer at her small children, was very vulgar, and would say things to her son like "I wish you were never born." She was always high on either weed or valium. I was horrified. I hoped that when we moved we would be far enough away that she'd quit calling, but she didn't. Finally I had to use the line about how we just don't have the same level of interest in this friendship. She never called me again. Enjoy your time with the horses; you staked it out, and it's yours to relish! |
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Post by AmberC on Feb 27, 2005 8:05:10 GMT -5
In time however, I found that she was a screamer at her small children, was very vulgar, and would say things to her son like "I wish you were never born." She was always high on either weed or valium. I was horrified. I'm with you there. I don't know how people can talk to thier kids like that. Just this summer a lady stopped at the stop sign in front of my house, and turned around and started yelling at the 3-4 year old kid in the carseat, asking if s/he was mentally retarded, screaming at hte kid for getting something all over the seat and making a mess. I commented, to myself but loud enough she could hear me "I don't know how someone could talk to thier kid like that" and she looked at me and said "If you don't like it, don't ***** listen!" As if I had a choice! Just makes me sick. If I give Allisen messy food in the car (I think her kid had ice cream) I fully expect to clean it off the seat, and her face, hands, and clothes, later! And if I don't feel like cleaning up the mess, I don't give it to her! Some people just shoudln't have kids :-( Amber |
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Post by noblesseoblige on Feb 28, 2005 14:49:11 GMT -5
and told them how very sorry we are, but that seeing them the weekend of the 11-13th is not psossible since we have a lot going on those days. This morning she writes me back (from work of course), she asked what is so important that we can't find time to hang out with true blue friends. She really used the words" true blue". She must be talking about their collars, LOL LOL LOL!!! BAD, me, BAD I just smacked my hand..  Well, now I am getting thingy'd off and I have no more qualms to not retort sharper. Something like I have never felt the need to solicit permission from people outside my family per our personal schedule. Something like that, I have to do it now, while I am still steamed. Her e-mail was so whiny and so trying to make me feel guilty...well thingy that! |
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Post by linda on Feb 28, 2005 15:19:05 GMT -5
I suspect one of two things. Either they don't have any other friends to speak of (duh, wonder why....) or else they are like some of my husband's cousins who love to travel and treat all relatives and acquaintences/friends like hotel employees. It is easy to travel a lot when you mouch everything.
On the chance that they are related to my husband's cousins, I would leave for the weekend, just in case. They just might show up. If they drive to your house in their motorhome and decide to wait until you get back so they can "suprise" you, they will have a long, long wait. Be sure to keep everything locked--and if possible--turn off the power to the outside plug-ins that they might have access to.
This year my husband's cousins wanted to come back. I left on a trip--actually, it just worked out that way with my schedule. They don't understand why I don't like them and, you know, I don't care much. When people can't get up and help you do what needs to be done and eat you out of house and home (she really did--she would personally eat a gallon of ice cream in a day), I don't much care. My favorite was when they were all watching TV and I was cleaning up the dishes. I started cutting up tomatoes to freeze. I did a really nice job of slicing my finger open and not one person even offered to help finish the job. Lazy, lazy mouchers. You just may have found yourself some of these characters for your very own.
Linda
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Post by Chrisnstar on Feb 28, 2005 16:27:52 GMT -5
Oh, n*o, I have an SIL like that... very needy and whiney... ugh...
You just have to be very direct with people like that... as Mary Ann said, cretins.
My SIL keeps sending me stupid email "true stories" that of course have been circulating around the Net for a dozen years or more. I keep telling her to verify these with urban legends before sending them on.
Finally, the last stupid one she sent me, I told her to please check urban legends before sending me any more stuff.
She wrote me back all huffy that she was never going to send me any email every again.... LOL... YEAHHHHHHH.... I'm sure I won't miss it one iota!
You stick to your guns. People like that simply don't get it and never will!
chris
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THEY don't need to know that, however. You may even say that though you enjoy their charming company, you anticipate a very busy spring/summer, and don't know when your schedule will allow a weekend like that again. 
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