I know I don't post often...

[beths]

enough to say so, and I don't imagine many of you remember me (that's okay ;)) but I wanted to say that I am a daily lurker since the times of Acme. (and as some of you remember, the old-school Equi-chat)

I just had to say that, because I feel bad for not posting reguarly, and then asking for your wonderful advice...but I am in a tight spot with this one and don't know what to do. :(

I am getting married in June of this year, to the most wonderful man, the love of my life.

Now you're asking, "what is the problem?" Well my problem is this: My fiance and I are having our reception at my Future father in law's house, and Casey (my fiance) wants there to be alcohol for the sake of his family. Now keep in mind that I don't drink (it is just I can't STAND alcohol with a passion!) and neither does Casey. Casey's father whom I love dearly is basically an alcoholic, and let's just say the rest of his family likes to 'hit the sauce' a little too and a wedding reception to them is a very good excuse to go overboard.

Am I wrong in wanting no beer, or liqoure (excuse my spelling, I haven't taken a drink of anything like that ever and definately don't know how to spell it! LOL) and such at my wedding reception?

I don't mind champage or wine for toasting and light sipping, but on my wedding day I don't want my new family, and our friends getting drunk, and I know my parent's will not be happy campers at that either. I just don't want to look back at our special day and remember that.

Casey and I just are not in agreement with this, and I keep thinking to myself that I am just asking too much. But then again I keep telling myself I don't want that outcome.

How can we come to a comprimise? Is there one?

BethS

[Chrisnstar]

Beth, you don't need to apologize for anything. you are welcome here with questions, concerns, answers, happy info, sad info...we're good listeners.

As for the problem, well, you are going to have some challenges ahead marrying into an alcoholic family even if your fiance doesn't drink. He's been affected by the family disease.

I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you. I don't know how to handle this situation. I agree with you that champagne should be enough, but even with only that, your new relatives will get drunk if they are so inclined. You can't control their behavior.

I wish you the best and wish I had some good ideas for you.

chris

[Sheryl]

Well, I tend to think since it is your "day", you should be able to decide what will be served. Champagne sounds reasonable to me.

If the groom's family is hosting, this could be tough since I assume they are funding the event too. Could you alternatively move the reception to somewhere where you have more control?

Could there be a compromise such as a separate "party" where drinking is more appropriate? When I got married, we did sort of a couples party at a bar a week or so before the big day that was really fun (instead of a bachelor/bacherette party) . We weren't big drinkers and nobody got drunk at all, but it was very festive and fun.

Sheryl

[Mary Ann]

Beth, I remember you very well! I remember your pretty Paints, and when your place got hit by the tornado. I'm glad you're checking in, and wish you'd do so more often.

As to your reception, I believe Sheryl makes some excellent points. When you host the party and pay the bill, you get the final say. I do believe you have the right to express your concerns, that you don't want your wedding day to turn into an occasion where people are overserved, or even worse, a drunken brawl. But unless you're footing the bill and having it at a neutral place, I believe you forfeit that.

Personally, I think some champagne would be just fine and would leave it at that, but some of the in-law's friends and out of towners will probably celebrate later in the party with something harder. Remember that this is a stressful day for them, too; the marriage of a child is a passage for a parent, and they move on to another stage in their lives, too. I wouldn't be surprised if they're stressed about it.

You can't really control what other people do unless you host the party. But do voice your concerns! Perhaps they'll tone it down. And you can always leave when it gets late and folks get rowdy. They expect you to leave early, anyway.

BTW, to me and the way I was raised, beer at a wedding reception seems coarse. And Sheryl, I love the idea of a couples party in lieu of a bachelor party. For the most part, those seem coarse too, and disrespectful of the opposite gender with all the strippers and such. I like the idea of celebrating the union with some friends, rather than objectifying the opposite gender's body parts with strippers. But that's just me.

[KarenN]

Beth - of course I remember you- it doesn't matter how much you post, we still care about you!

First congratulations on your wedding! It is a wonderful and important time in your life.

I'm going to be a voice of dissent compared to the other here.... I'm on your side. I think the wedding and the reception should belong to the bride and groom no matter who is footing the bill. I think your wishes are of the utmost importance. I happen to agree with you on the topic of alcohol... My husband and I do not drink, and fortunately none of our friends/family do either. I tend to think alcohol has the potential to ruin almost any occasion. The compromise could be to have only champagne at the beginning then after the two of you make your getaway they can break out whatever they want... It's a thought.

[qhaddict]

I had/have a similar situation.

My dad is an alcoholic, as is his family. SO and I wanted to have alcohol at our wedding (albeit we don't drink very often - one beer a day one or two times a week is max for us LOL) but then I realized my dad's side of the family, of course, is invited. We decided on having cham-pagne and hordeourves between the ceremony and the reception (having both at the same place). That way there is a little alcohol, but people won't get much of it, and I don't have to worry about my dad's foolish drunken family ruining the moment (which would happen unfortunately.)

It's your day, but Casey's day also. Weddings don't have to have mass amounts of alcohol. Cutting down on alcohol also cuts down on cost. I'd be paying big money to have a bar at my wedding. I don't think it's asking too much to not have alcohol there; perhaps to compromise you could have a set budget on the beer and liquor - then when it's gone, it's gone.

I had to edit this post - LOL it put cham-pange as thingy.

[wildfire]

But are you SURE you want to marry into this family?
If they get knee-walkin’, commode-huggin’ drunk at your wedding . . . this is one night, with a REAL reason to celebrate! (Not that they NEED a reason to get drunk. But that is my point; you are committing yourself to deep involvement with these people for “’til death do we part”. )
Then there is the day after the wedding . . . and then the next day . . . and the next day . . . . . . . . !

If you are SURE you want to go through with this wedding.
What I would suggest, is to find out what is the preferred drinks are and provide TWO of WHATEVER those drinks may be. (“I would be heartbroken if someone got a DUI or worse, was in a wreck, leaving MY wedding! Later if you want to drink, I understand. But THEN, forbid something should happen, you won’t be leaving MY wedding when the problem happened.”)

If you restrict the alcohol “to champagne for toasting” (many feel that whiskey is the only REAL toast beverage. Don’t forget to pour a shot of whiskey across the doorway of your home for luck!) Later you may have to deal with the “She ‘n thanks she’s so ‘good’ she hasta have ‘SHAM-PAIN’ for tostin’! She thanks she is bettern us!”<br>
While I may have exaggerated just a little, negative attitudes like this, with people who can’t be reasoned with for even such an important occasion, can carry hard feeling about such a slight for MANY YEARS.

That’s my 2 cents worth.
I wish you many years of happiness! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Good Luck and Happy . . . uh, Riding!

[Mary Ann]

LOL! Wildfire, do you need to sit in the Naughty Chair??! ;D ;D

[wildfire]

n/m

[Mary Ann]

No, I was just teasing you. You're fine.

[noblesseoblige]

First, congratulations on finding Mr. Wonderful and your upcoming wedding.
IMO, it is your and your husband to-be's day and nobody especially not in-laws (who no doubt will by tradition NOT pay for the wedding) should dictate to you what is served and when.
Since both of you do not drink it can't be expected of you to have bottles of Beer and Rye ready for people to get sloshed on TEXT.
I have been to more weddings then I can count in our church where no alcohol at all was served, not even Champagne for the toast. Martinellis was consumed and nobody complained. I am the first one to love a good glass of wine, but I can wait until after the wedding in order not to be offensive to the bridal couple.
It is a generous compromise on your part to offer a limited amount of Champagne and that is what I would stick to.
Your FIL can get bombed when he is back home and you are off and away.
Oh and BethS, don't listen to Wildfire, LOL ;D - he is a wicked, wicked man........ ;D

[Newfygirl]

Wicked he may be! Makes me laugh every day though!!

[noblesseoblige]

yep, he is the best example that humor does not need to be dirty to be funny!