The mouths on kids today :(

[KarenN]

Is it just me? I do not tolerate any kind of foul language (not even euphemisms) in our house. I grew up where the air was blue all the time and so I admit I am very sensitive to it - it really irritates me My kids have a great vocabulary for their ages, I think partly because they are forced to living with their father! LOL (he LOVES words - their word of the week this week is defenestrate)

Anyway my oldest son has been in a blue funk the past several days so Saturday I sat him down and made him tell me what was going on. It seems that ALL the other kids (including his best friend) use very foul language and it is bothering Phillip because they are starting to tease him for being such a goody two shoes.

We had the character discussion, and talked about what he might say to the others without stooping to their level. We went over James 2:9-14 and talked about the meaning of it.

When he told me the language these FIFTH graders were using, I was dumfounded! What are their parents thinking??? Do they not know, or is that where the kids learn it? The teachers won't even put a stop to it, and this is in a small rural town! What is like in the inner city or other areas?

Any words of wisdom out there from any other parents or teachers? I'm so distressed that my kids are subjected to this every day. :

[Joye]

Well I work at a school, k-12, and see a whole bunch of this. I was in the classroom for about 13 years, and am now in the office, principal's office where we see all the dicipline problems. So my view is probably tainted, but yes, there is a BUNCH of this going on, and it is not tolerated here at school, but sure is tested all the time. I realize kids these days think there is nothing to it, no big deal, and it gets very irritating. I know it is hard for a fifth grader to understand the character part. I always told my kids to talk as if grama was in the room, but I'm sure that would be laughed at now.

[Newfygirl]

Ohhh, I hate foul language as well. In our house growing up we did NOT swear. In fact, one time I did say something I shouldn't have and my parents made me define it! I never swore in their house again, and I still don't. Nothing is more embarassing to a teenager than having to define a word that has, uh, dual meanings, I guess to their parents. Try it! ;D

[Mary Ann]

I think it can be a mistake to give such words too much power. I always told my kids that these are words that can be very embarrassing in the wrong company, so usually it's best left to adults to use them, as they are more able to judge when it's appropriate and when it's not. They were pretty good about it, but I had girls. Boys, I believe, have it tougher. Boys of Phillip's age feel driven to have contests to see how many gross swear words they can cram into a single sentence.

I took a literature class in college that was heavy into the works of the 17th century philosopher and artist, William Blake. I remember one of the poems we read in his collected works was called "Cecilia Sh!ts." It was an ode to his love on the chamberpot. I remember being amazed that this word was so old. And I realized that it's just a word; one to be used only in appropriate situations, but only a word, nonetheless.

The only place where I have any trouble with it is using the Lord's name in vain. I made myself quit that quite a few years ago.

But I manage to use just about all of the others with frequency....

Now that I'm the Grandma, of course these aren't used in front of the boys. Joye's idea is a cute one.

Karen, it's hard to raise decent kids, especially when other kids have more permissive rules. Tell Phillip you hold him to a higher standard. You can't be responsible for what other parents do with their children, but you are with yours, and you want more for him than others seem to want for their kids. I'm glad you don't want this special young man to be a vulgar little sewer rat.

[Chrisnstar]

I don't like potty mouths either, although I confess to having gone through a stage of it myself. I think when kids discover 4-letter words, it is kind of titillating to use them, then usually the novelty wears off... often when they slip and use the word in the wrong company.

I remember asking an Ojibwe Indian once what were swear words in Ojibwe language. he told me there were none. The ugliest thing someone could call another person is a dirty dog.

he said if a person has to swear, then he really doesn't have much to say.

My mother often used mild expletives, but we never heard the "f" word in our house. My father rarely swore and only once in all his life did I ever hear of him using the "f' word and that was when he was trying to help my oldest son and Aaron burned his goodwill badly...

I think karen, that kids learn by example, and you and Ted are setting wonderful examples for your sons. They may experiment with naughty words, but my guess is when they are grown and on their own with their own families, they will behave in teh way they were taught...

chris

[Mags Mom]

Stick to your values Karen! The other children are racing towards mediocrity.

Leslie

[Littljoe]

I agree with everything that's been said here by others. My kids are pretty much grown up now (19 and 22), but we fought this battle as well, and around the same age. Like you, I was amazed that they started so early. I think Carol was about 7 or 8 when she said something to me about a ship and then carefully continued, "I said ship, Mommy. Ship-p-p-p-p." Until then, I had no idea she'd ever heard that word.

I think the whole thing comes down to what kind of relationship you have with your kids. If you are firm but respectful and friendly, and set a good example not self-consciously but simply making that be who you are, then honestly your kids won't be all that tempted. They'll want to be like you, even if they don't want to admit it; and if bad language just doesn't exist in your home, then you've set the tone and they know where you stand.

The one big mistake I see a lot of well-meaning parents make is that they make too much of it--they get all worked up about how evil and wicked bad language is, and how upset they are over it, and how their kids need to be rise above it and be better than the kids who use bad language. This just gives kids something to strive for, unfortunately.

Dealing with other kids who make fun of them or call them names for not swearing is easier if they can learn to just calmly address it as a personal choice, no more important than what color shirt to wear. They just choose not to do it. After a while it's just not an issue. As MaryAnn says, that takes the power out of the bad words--because, after all, kids that young use bad language for only two reasons: it's what they're used to at home and they don't know any better (God help them!), or they want to shock and scare someone and get a reaction. It's when kids (or adults) are outraged or self-righteous, or threatened by bad language, that they get teased or disrespected the most.

Don't worry, you'll get through this just fine. Just remember that words only have the power we give them.

--LJ

[Lindanshadow]

I too have a problem with kids and "potty" mouths. My situation is that I am the step mother of a 17 year old boy and at 15 year old girl. The girl is wonderful but the "boy" is very hard for me to deal with. Generally he is a wonderful kid. Altho I do have a problem with some of the words he chooses to express his displeasure in something. I personally get embarrassed when these words come out at the most inappropriate times. (like at Grandmas house) At his mothers house, there are basically no rules and just about anything goes. I was brought up that you just didn't say anything like that. I got my mouth washed out with soap for saying funky! I know that nowadays that it is "more excepted" for kids to say things like "that sucks" and "crap" etc. but I think that more appropriate words could be chosen. I am just not sure how to handle this. His father just lets it go. Anyone have any ideas?
Linda H.

[SherylasGuest]

I agree - don't give these words too much power. When we moved to Germany, the only English the neighborhood boys were cuss words. The first German my kids learned were cuss words becuase that is how the kids talked. Also, my ex husband and his wife have always been more liberal with this stuff (including movies they watch) so we had to come to a sort of peace about this issue for years. I am sure that my boys use plenty of swear words when with their friends. When they are around grandma, or other more "formal" relationships, they know that cussing is verboten (forbidden) and I often get compliments on their politeness and behavior from other parents etc. Ocassionally, cuss word slips out at home, followed my an "excuse me" so they seem to be grasping "appropriateness" which in the real world/later work life matters.