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Post by Chrisnstar on Jan 21, 2007 14:15:05 GMT -5
I have gone from almost 230 in december to 216.4 today. I'm already feeling better, clothes fit better, and my masseuse said she really could tell.
So I'm pretty pumped up and ready to work at becoming the bomb again.
Today, as john and I were driving to get hay, he told me that
grandpa doesn't think I've lost any weight. He thinks I've gotten fatter!
I don't know if he's trying to sabotage me or what but it stinks. I'm more determined than ever to get svelte and let him watch me walk out the door.
chris
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Post by ride4fun on Jan 21, 2007 14:30:06 GMT -5
I'd imagine its sabatoge. Probably has some inkling of your mind-set and hopes to keep you in place by reducing your self-esteem. As long as its backfiring on him this is a good thing to keep your mind focused on organizing those ducks.
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Post by MJ on Jan 21, 2007 15:21:53 GMT -5
Don't let him get you down Chris. I'm proud of you, it takes a lot of work to get back in shape. Remember, you are doing this for you not him.
MJ
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Post by Chrisnstar on Jan 21, 2007 15:27:51 GMT -5
I know John is starting to get little digs in on me like Ray does. He's learning well from grandpa.
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Post by LoriB on Jan 21, 2007 15:43:38 GMT -5
Chris, only you can sabotage yourself.
If Ray is trying to do that, he is doing it so you will not have the confidence to leave.
You can lose weight only for yourself, not to prove anything to anyone, or for revenge on anyone.
As to John, get that straightened out immediately, or there will be a little Ray there before you know it.
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Post by cherokee on Jan 21, 2007 16:13:23 GMT -5
Oh no!!! Close your ears close your ears!!!
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Post by Mary Ann on Jan 21, 2007 17:00:33 GMT -5
Poor Ray. Mister Passive Aggressive couldn't stand the thought of you doing well at something so he had to work his own unique brand of magic. You know how people who are doing badly have to knock the efforts of others to justify their own inertia? Voila.
It must really suck to stand in that skin, day after day, week after week, year after whining backbiting sabotaging year. What's he gonna do when you leave Chris, with nobody to deflect his own failures onto?
Does Ray have any legal rights to John? What he's teaching that boy is pretty dysfunctional.
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Post by Trailpal on Jan 21, 2007 17:49:49 GMT -5
Today, as john and I were driving to get hay, he told me that grandpa doesn't think I've lost any weight. He thinks I've gotten fatter! Yes, and this is the same fellow who doesn't think he's addicted to pain pills too.  The real nasty thing here is that John is learning that its ok to be disrepectful and mean, and that lesson probably gets reinforced at a lot of places (school, home, other grandparents, tv, etc.) Be your good self and let him know how you feel about disrespecting others! Ray is good at pushing your buttons, maybe it's the only control he thinks he has over you. And the good thing! down nearly 15 pounds!! Woot! ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by Sheryl nlo on Jan 21, 2007 17:56:10 GMT -5
Doesn't matter what Ray thinks at this point. I would NOT let John get away with the little digs. They know exactly what they are doing and he is just starting a bad habit. Take him down a notch once or twice and nip that right in the bud.
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Post by snaffle on Jan 21, 2007 18:04:09 GMT -5
oh my gosh Chris... I hadnt realized that you have lost so much already!!!awesome... great.. wunderful!! keep it up!!
to translate what Ray (?) said.. I am assuming john's grandfather is ray right?
he actually said... "YES she is loosing weight!!!"
he didnt know how to say something positive and NICE.. so he came out with what he knew how to say.
yep.. that is it in a nutshell. He has fallen into a habit and old habits are hard to break...he doesnt feel comfortable giving a compliment... especially to another guy.... even if the guy is a grandson.
my old 'best friend' had the same thing happen to her when she tried to diet.. over and over and over again.
her husband WANTED her fat!!! She was a sweet lady... and if she were able to loose the 100 pounds that she needed to loose she would have been BEAUTIFUL!!! and left him!!! I am sure that her spineless husband knew that too. and she would have left him if she dropped the weight,..she told me that ... over and over.
Her husband would buy candy and desserts and chips and leave them out in front of her... and he also insisted that they go out for breakfast every saturday morning...
who can resist a high fat high calorie breakfast ... in a restaurant!!!
be prepared Chris... for the sabatoge to continue...
make yourself stronger.. you can do this!! you have all of us supporting you!!!
YOU GO GIRLFRIEND!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Marci on Jan 22, 2007 0:16:24 GMT -5
Chris don't let either of them bug you. I imagine your grandson has an inkling of how unhappy you are and why you are losing the weight, as he is quite intuitive so maybe he thinks that if you stay fat he will have his grandma and grandpa together. Divorce is really hard on kids, even grand kids. And yes you need to have a talk with him so that he doesn't think that is the way YOU or any other woman is supposed to be treated.
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Post by snaffle on Jan 22, 2007 8:41:56 GMT -5
I agree with marci... have a talk with John... let him know point blank that ... unkind and digging comments are NOT polite, they are unkind... they hurt feelings and that you will NOT tolerate them.
you might want to add a few lines about how YOU would NEVER say anything to him that would hurt his feelings .. intentionally...
let him know that if you ever do... you would appreciate it if he tells you about it.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2007 8:50:24 GMT -5
Also lets not forget Johns age. Now is when they think they're much more grown then they really are and they lose the filter between the brain and their mouth. It might be that he just needs a gentle nudge in the right direction instead of following Ray's poor example.
You're doing great with your self improvement and you're doing great to use Rays negativity to the positive.
Good job!
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Post by denise on Jan 22, 2007 12:12:00 GMT -5
My first reaction to what John said, was what was the context of the conversation. If you were discussing your weight loss with him and then he said that, I would have made some kind of a comment, of oh..... and later maybe said something about when you hear someone make a negative comment about someone you know is truly trying, don't repeat it to that person. I don't think John was being malicious, just repeating what he heard.
As for what Ray said, Chris you are definitely the stronger person, who cares what he thinks because you know you already have one foot out the door and the second not far behind......
He so reminds me of my dad when it came to my mom trying to lose weight, he would make so many little digging comments like that and what it amounted to was his insecurity about himself. He had a lot of baggage from his childhood that he has finally admitted to.
So stay strong Chris.
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Post by qhaddict on Jan 22, 2007 15:09:45 GMT -5
My dad did this to my mom as well when they were having rough times.
Ignore it and consider it all the more motivation to keep losing weight and get out of there!
Jess
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