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Post by Jenni on Jan 22, 2015 10:23:59 GMT -5
He was a vietnam war vet who suffered from "Agent Orange Syndrome" which was kind of similar to MS in his case. He was capable of living alone and driving but was unsteady on his feet at times and tired easily. A couple weeks ago a family friend noticed it didn't look like their had been any action around his house and called my MIL. She couldn't get a response and called a neighbor of his to go check on him. They found him down in his house. He was conscious but out of it. At the hospital they discovered a lot of old bruises and abrasions and determined that he had been falling often. He was severely dehydrated and a cat scan revealed lesions on his brain and a spot on his lung (life long smoker). They opted not to do biopsies as the Doc were pretty sure it was cancer and doing biopsy would do more harm than good, decided no treatments and gave him 3-6 months. They rehydrated him and sent him to a local nursing home. That was last week Wednesday. He was alert, joking and talking, but weak. His brother came from central IL. On Friday morning he was found unresponsive on the floor of his room. They don't know if he was trying to get up and go to the bathroom or what happened but he was seizing and they took him to the ER. Docs stopped the seizures with drugs but couldn't guarantee they wouldn't return. MIL and her brother decided not to do further testing and not to insert a feeding tube or give him IVs. He went back to the nursing home on pain drugs. On Sunday MIL said she thought he was aware of his surroundings to some extent, on Monday she said he grabbed her and pulled her to him like he wanted to say something. His son and DIL came to visit and wanted her to start ivs again because their "could always be a miracle". This all really made her question her decision to stop food and water but the nurses told her this sometimes happened and in the end the result would be the same, possibly with more suffering in the meantime. She is still really struggling with it and is very tired. She had been staying overnight at the home because he was restless in bed and the home isn't allowed to but sides on the beds - so she stayed to make sure he didn't fall out of bed. It's the first of the 6 siblings to pass - he was just 68 years old.
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Post by Idaho Linda on Jan 22, 2015 15:01:11 GMT -5
That is so sad. I'm sorry it had to happen this way.
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Post by snelson on Jan 22, 2015 15:59:45 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. The Vietnam vets seem to be the lost vets. My uncle in law is a Vietnam vet and he was diagnosed with Agent Orange Syndrome also. They had given him no more than 12 months to live. That was 5 years ago. He decided to take matters into his own hands and researched and researched and researched. He ended up taking a "silver" product...I don't remember what exactly, I would have to look it up. Within 6 months he was no longer coughing and his balance is completely back to normal. He did say that there is a balance with this product he has been using. It will poison you if you take to much so there was a bit of trial and error at the beginning.
As hard as the decision was to not do any further testing and medical intervention, it did probably save a lot of pain and suffering. And we all know how we second guess our decisions even though at the time that decision feels like the best one. We are full of "what if's" and "should have's"... your MIL and her brother did what they could and second guessing themselves will not change anything. (((hugs)))
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Post by Marci on Jan 23, 2015 17:49:23 GMT -5
(((HUGS))) Its really tough to lose our loved ones. All you can do is support her and be there for them as they go thru the grief process. working thru that guilt is part of it also.
I suggest finding a grief group, there is something healing in finding out that your not alone in this pain. And then there are tips of how to heal, and get to that next step, or the 2 steps forward and one back. LOL And too I found that though our meetings would begin with tears more times than not we would end with laughter. And laughter can be so very healing. I went for over 2 years, and had counseling also for that period. It really helped me through it.
I'm not totally healed but I am working to being the best me I can be. And its a really different me than I started with. Thats OK too.
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Post by ride4fun on Jan 27, 2015 10:43:31 GMT -5
So sorry for your loss and your MIL's pain. I can barely imagine, it is hard enough having to make the call for pets or horses but she acted for his best interests with the information she had. He and God know this.
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Post by Jenni on Jan 29, 2015 12:34:22 GMT -5
I kept thinking along similar lines R4F. At least with a pet or horse you could make the call to end their suffering immediately and not have to watch them linger on for days or weeks....
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Post by MJ on Jan 29, 2015 22:41:24 GMT -5
So sorry to hear of your loss.
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